Thank You

To my (occasional) muse.

I remember the things we did together, the way we'd talk and hold one another, sleep in one another's arms, and talk about our big plans. Things we wanted to see and do, people we loved, worries we had. We were so young, so naive, and maybe that played a role in walking away from one another. After all, kids can't really know what they want, or what's best for them.

Looking back, walking away was the best thing I could have done.

Oh, yes. It broke my heart in two, and you know that. I cried like I never knew I could, I didn't know I had it in me, but they came and came and I thought they'd never stop. They did, of course. We both moved on, loved other people, lusted after others, a myriad of other things came and went in our lives, and through it all, we never forgot each other. You made that clear, that though we were now half a country apart and season after season has passed, that I always had a special place in your heart.

You've always, always, had a place in mine.

So we grew. Children to young adults, young adults to college and homework and real life, and you were a fixture. Sometimes months passed between the times I'd get to hear your voice, or read your words, but whatever life tossed at us... it was uncanny how we could pick up like it was just yesterday you were throwing snow on top of me from the roof of your house, or sharing supper amidst kitsch and fishing nets and crazy waiters dancing the Macarena around cheap formica tables.

Do you know I miss you?

I'm sure you do, but I can't say it enough. Not really. I wish I could've been there, really there, to see you grow into the man you are today. To see that spark in you give birth to new ideas, new motivations, new strength. To see old flaws melt away, and to comfort you when new insecurities arose. The funny thing? Even though we've matured, we've moved on, we've built lives with and around other people, I still hold that same child-like adoration for you. Child-like, not childish. I've completely different reasons for that adoration now. It's no longer a desperate desire to be loved in return; it'll never again be the grasping, youthful affection that was ready to self-destruct before it even began.

Now? It's unselfish. I was selfish before. Now, it's merely a wish to see you get what you deserve. All the goodness that you've given me, I want to give in return. I love you for who you were, who you are today, and everything you hope to become. We may not ever get to find out what it's like to be an 'us', instead of 'you and me', but I don't need that. All I need is for you to know that you always have and always will have my friendship. Unconditionally.

Thank you for being a rock when I needed one.

Thank you for letting me be the shoulder you'd cry on.

Thank you for loving me for who I am, instead of what he wants me to be.

Thank you for not demanding the perfection that I demand from myself.

Thank you for your honesty, for your truth, and for your wisdom.

Thank you for being You. Just You.

Most importantly, thank you for being my friend.

Te amo.